Palmistry
A few days ago xiaowen read my palm....hmmm it was interesting~
I am supposed to wait for my 2nd serious relationship which would be really good....yeayeayea
Bored. No one is online. How can this be...

New Agendas:

1. Do PR factsheet.
2.Review TV proposal
3.Get TV proposal binded.
4.Pester my Guest.
5.Think of what to wear.

Yes, its is work again~

yingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingying
yingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingying
yingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingiyngyingyingying
yingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingyingying

but yang was not to be, no?

Dress up
Did makeup, dressed up.
Wore Heels.
Got my I/C checked.
Took photos.
Sat in the humid courtyard.
Lugged some people's bags around.
Took more photos.
Spoke to journalists.
Ate.
Stood up all day.
Put up with her paranoia and her repeated "vision for tommorrow" speech.
Tired.
Yup, that was my whole day.

Whooosh
I FINALLY FINISHED WEBDEAP! yay~! I am so tired. I need a good night's sleep and more cold water! Finally! *Feels relieved*
Spent 2 days scurrying around for music and fretting about copyright issues. Finally! Got it done~ It feels damn good man.
To all who is struggling with webdeap, hang in there! Even a dreamweaver stupid person like me can finish, you can too~
Sigh.
Tired. Haven't slept well in days. *Looks forward to my bed*
Toddles~

Pick-Me-Up for the Day
Josh: I have a cough. My mother's chicken made me cough. Would you want to come over and read braille and have chilled vodka, connie?
Me: Stop distracting me, you faggotty do-dah-day, hope you store your vodka in the freezer.
Josh: How about sun? We could dance. I am not distracting you.....connie.

Thanks Josh for always making me laugh, and being sensitive to bother cheering me up. :-) You keep me sane.

Tired
Went to Soup central with Ash after school today and it was really comfort food. We walked down Boat Quay to CityHall. Got home, watched Ally McBeal. Tried to play the piano, couldn't. Suddenly, my arms are acheing and I've got TV rehearsal tomorrow. Webdeap is due on Sat, not forgetting newswrite which is due on Friday. I know I can't do webdeap. And I'll prolly flunk newswrite. If you want to borrow my tape, I'm sorry, you can't because I really need it and I haven't listened to it yet. *Feels bad* Oh well. I must get through this. Can't break now. Not now.

Just a thought
Where do you find solace?
In music? In poetry? In prose?
Do you need someone to tell you that you are beautiful before believing it?
When you want to scream, do you scream?
Or do you surpress your feelings, thus numbing yourself?
Have you ever looked in the mirror and only thought of how ugly you were?
Have you lost your sense of resolve?
Are you lonely but refuse to admit it?
Do you feel more responsible for others than for yourself?
Are you afraid to fall?
Do you have no idea where to go from here?
Are you tired of being hurt, then numbed?
Do you find time to take pleasure in the mundane?
Do you dream of utopia?
I know I do.

Yes, someone shoot me now...
Whatever happened to my pic? Gosh, I loved that couch pic. *frets*

Piercings?
After watching Vin Diesel last night, I am seriously considering piercing my tongue...either that or getting a tattoo....hmmmm. But I am afraid of PAIN! arg. oh well....Once my webdeap is done, I swear I'll hang loose and party. I feel like doing something crazy now...

Oh yeah...

Life is a goddamned Roller coaster,
can we have an injection of Stability here?
Suddenly I love the phrase: "I don't know"

Dear Eunice:
Why you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else gets me frustrated
Life's like this you
and You fall and you crawl and you break
and you take what you get and you turn it into
honesty
promise me I'm never gonna find you fake it
no no

Late Morning
Woke up late today...maybe it was because I went to watch "Unfaithful" last night. It is a good movie...cinematography was good.

I wanted to rush to school, but instead of going down, I decided to clear my mail first. Then, I started reading the mail I kept throughout the course of the Collective and all the mail that was sent after. Tears came to my eyes. What I read never failed to inspire and comfort me, even though I've read them a zillion times. Gosh Eunice: what does it mean to live the good life? What about God? So many things...I saw things on a more marcro view and realised that sometimes, those important things are not so im[portant and are only important when they are important. *Gasps* Just as what me, ash and andrea discussed last night...
Reading those emails, helped once again, put me into perspective. But it also made me realise how much I missed Year 1. Yesterday afternoon, some Yr 1s approached us and showed us their Thesis statements and summaries. I saw their mad rush, saw their frantic corrections. Gosh. I miss the writ sem badly. I suddenly realised that though I might have had problems during that sem. I was in actual fact much happier than I am now. Sad... Oh well.

Taking a minute
Just finished doing bulk of commiss...left with references and another 300 words to go which will fit nicely under comparing foreign and local media which I will complete after watching e shows later at night.

Right now, I feel good.

To Evans. I have moved on. It was never love, like you thought it was. It was painful letting you back into my life, trying to be forgiving and be a friend. Our perceptions of love, relationships and expression are so different. I have learnt to let it go and realise that though I cannot reconcile with it, you are who you are. Maybe someday, something will cause your perception to change. I will try to stop painfully asking why, why, why. Silly me.

To Geneva, Ashlynn and Andrea. Thank you for letting me see how I have been hiding behind so many things. Thank you for telling me that I can fall and I would be caught by you. It meant and still means a lot. I love you and I will catch you too. If you are hurting, I will be there as I know you will be, for me. Thank you Andrea, for calling me this morning and letting me try to cheer you up.

To 801t08, I think no class can ever replace you. You rrrock. I miss you. I miss TOF. I miss our outings and our bitching together at the beach.

Okay, one minute is over. Baccck to worrrk! :-)

Resolution?
Okay, here's the agenda for today!
1.Finish up Commiss
2.Take photos for webdeap
3.Develop photos
4. watch "Oh Carol" and "Ally Mc beal"
5. Transfer my rough web layout into the Journal

Righto. I shall not procrastinate and I shall finish doing all these so that I can hurry up, go to school on Weds or Thurs and use the dreamweaver that hangs. Then I can lern how to put damn audio files. Hopefully, everything will be on schedule.

ho hum

Lights, Cameras, Headaches
Had TV rehearsal yesterday and we stayed till around 8pm, thank god it wasn't till 9pm. Had a horrid fever and headache and sitting under the studio lights, looking alert didn't help. Went to Alameen for cheese prata which I didn't finish (horro of horrors~) hahaha...Chatted with the 2 foreign exchange students. They're actually rather nice...

Am at home now, watching Kid's central...yay! Cartoons galore!!! Just had a tiff with Mum over the phone. Don't want to talk about it. Tsk. Wish we could have more Girl's Night Outs.

Draggy Day
Woke up at a rare 9am this morning feeling tired still. Was having the flu, and a bad cough and the fatique was really getting to me. Then, helped mum to do some stuff on the computer. Couldn't meet TV group for discussion. I really wasn't up for it. Took a cab to school and felt like my nose had froze up and died on me. Went to the writlabs to meddle with Dreamweaver and adobe. (note to self: Try not to use frames in my webby. They're such a bitch to save) Made some nice icons for e navigation bar and got some good pictures. Now what I need is a digi-cam to take photos of some stuff. Shall try my darnest to at least start doing the webby.

After that, we went to join Andrea and Gene at Holland V. felt much better by then. Joined thm for their class's TV rehearsal and realised that we had to have a mock script and prepare the CG and all...So much work to be done.

Made a resolution to finish commiss by Moday or Tues. I must. I am now typing with 2 fingers cuz I am feeling really tired. Time to snooze.

Eventful Night
Had Girl's Night Out with Ash, Andrea and Gene. I think we should continue this Girl's Night Out thingy....its good for everyone. Unexpected things happened last night which resulted in an even unexpected breakdown. It feels really good to have let it all out and to have cried, and to know that you girls were there with me. For the longest time, I felt dry and numb. I wanted to cry so badly, but I couldn't. And it happened so unexpectedly. Gosh.

Thank you Andrea, Ash and Gene for being there, for your wise words and ready hugs. For sitting with me at Borders even though it was closing. For your reaasurance. Yes, it truly is phenomenal.

*Long Day*
Today was a really draggy day~ Had late lunch with ash, sarah and andrea at SIm today. nice to see andrea in her bouncy, hyper self.
Anyways, I edited my newswrite and printed it so I hope it will be okay...*frets* I always screw up writing modules. Been thinking about electives and work a lot. Am happy that at least now, I know what I want to do for webdeap, though the topic sounds rather lame~ Sitting at the comp now, feeling kind of tired out from going to so many places on campus today. I hope it rains at night...
I feel quite happy at this present state and I hope it'll stay that way. A lot of things don't matter anymore. *wry smile*

Unexpected Caller
A little while ago, I was feeling miserable and frustrated.
A little while ago, I recceived an SMS from an unfamiliar number.
It turned out to be Joshua Ooi, aka ex crush, aka Mr I-have-charisma-and-I-am-witty. You get the picture. I have no idea where he got my hp number from but anyways, thanks Joshua for calling at the right time, for making me smile. You have no idea how nice it was to hear from you.
And yes Gene, I don't like him anymore, so don't put ideas in my head. *crooked grin*

I feel miserable. A reply from Robin Yee confirmed that no, I may not use an interviewee which has been interviewed before, even though it was only one other person...he added that I must realise that there are bound to be problems when I start doing the assignment so late. Yes, yes....add on to my guilt of not doing work. so this means, no more Mr Quek...Hallo Ms Corrine whose interview got erased accidentally by the MD player. I feel like crying. I have no news story! :-(
He said he was too busy to meet. I am stuck alone at home with no newswrite to do, no work to occupy my mind. I want to do the damn newswrite NOW. *angry sobs*

End of Long Weekend
Got some work done and I am happy. at least now I know what to do for web. Which is good. Went almost rouind Singapore to look for agencies. I nearly died. You really have to have 9 inch thick skin as me ash and gene discovered. Interviewed this agent who had damn a lot of things to say till my interview dragged to half and hour. Gosh. The things he said. We were trying sooo hard not to laugh.
Btw, thanks ash, for being the voice of reason. Life is getting better.

Peeve
Its the National Day bug...a bug more deadly than the Millenium bug, I say. Tag-board's down and there is something wrong with everyone's imode! Ah, the curse of the fun dance....

National Day
Finally, I got some work done today~ yay...it feels good to have done work...now I feel like doing more. hahaha...had cheese prata and Milo dinasaur yesterday at Alameen (is that how you spell it?) Kampong chicken is next on the aganda....Why do I keep talking about food??! Habit. hahaha
Yes Singapore: Happy 37th Birthday!!!! *waves pompoms, flags, light sabers and whatever souvenirs they have* Hopefully after today, there will be no more fun dance, no more blocked roads and no more sing singapore....yay~
The tummy is rumbling again~ :-(
I hearby declare: Work is Good for the recovering.

GIRL'S NIGHT OUT

Queens and Princesses Rule.

Inner Battle
Breathe in, breathe out
what's passed is past,
shadows of my memory,
still lingers in my heart.

Torn betwen myself,
eating then spitting,
my insides out,
has letting go ever been so tough?

*deep breaths*, *kooky grin*

Tonight was a good night for me. I realise that what had been said tonight has helped me come to terms with so many things. How to learn to grapple with the complexities of love, how to "get over it" so to speak, and how to make the good choice....It has really put me into perspective. I will learn to not let myself get affected by you, to let you make your choice and to try to respect it. My priorities will have to be shifted and I pray this will help me hopefully, make the right decisions about you too.

I am better now...after sorting things through, I have decided to take things step by step...Thnka you andrea, for listening and understanding :-) now its Work time....

Kooky Day!

I have decided to try not to dwell on things that will make me say "WTF" and make me sad. Not easy, but I'll definitely try. Got a lot of things to prioritise now as all the projects are streaming in. Firstly, got to get Commiss and Newswrite out of the way. Then slowly work towards TV and webdeap. Ben's paranoia about work and how we are screwed is getting infectious ;-)

I want to do so many things. Hopefully there will be time next wednesday to go lunch with Mum and bring her to Bugis Flea market to hunt for nice stuff...haaa Its time to buck up, get organized and get BUSY!

Thanks to Reid Yalom and his photography gallery for all the pics.

I am trying hard to let you do what you want to, even though it is beyond me. Its not much use saying sorry now, is it? You are the weirdest person I have ever come across. And please don't hinder my thinking that it was never love, don't try to prove me wrong, before I find more things that can't reconcile with. I am trying to let go, to forget and it doesn't help that I don't know what you want from me. Am I always angry? Well, I have a right to, you saying you understand doesn't help at all.

*Sticks Fingers in Ears* My sister is playing the Diana Ross song from the "Land Before Time" and she is friggin KILLING it...Arghhh! I am going crazy!!! :-(

Gosh. Can one ever attain closure to something? I don't know...Its been so long, too long. So many things have changed in a flash. Can you believe it? Russ is now happily attached and blindly in love. Whoever thought it could happen to him? Gosh. Sometimes, I wonder...Love can change so much in a person.
Maybe one day, I'll have a taste of that happiness too. He has been explaining and explaining his motive for contacting me, for running away, for leaving me behind. And I don't know what to make of it...one step at a time. Work is coming in, at least something to occupy my mind.

I want to take you to the end of the rainbow
Watch the stars crash in the sea
If I could ask God just one question
Why aren't you here with me, tonight?

Someday we'll know
If love can move a mountain
Someday we'll know
Why the sky is blue
Someday we'll know why I wasn't meant for you
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

PPG Night Rocked
Went to watch Powerpuff Girls Movie with Ash, Gene and Andrea...It was a good getaway from school..though Andrea and gene were falling asleep in the 1st part of the movie...hahaha. Had dinner at Marche's, then headed down to cineleisure to watch the show. By the time I got home, was quite pooped myself. P.s: I like Rosti with Pork sausage....yesyes, food again~ Tsk.