Going Back
She climbs out of the taxi, onto the kerb. The familiar portholes and amber leaves scattered over the ground were moist, soaking up the aftermath of a rainstorm the night before. She wondered what they did the night before and who had walked this path. Suddenly remembering, she put her shades on and immediately scoffed at herself. Whoever puts on shades just before entering a place? She did anyway, and she knew it was a quirk that made her feel safe. She turned and walked up the asphalt path. Immediately she noticed that it was stark quiet. No not the eerie quiet, but the "quiet of a playground where children have grown out of play", if you will.
She fumbled with getting into the compound. She almost forgot how to get in, past the sliding doors and little metal grilles. She took off her shades, not because she was indoors but because it was pointless to try to shield her eyes, or anything for that matter, once she was in there.
It still smelt the same. The familiar wafts of carpets, echoeing voices and a warm "cleaness". She made a quick, quiet entrance and sat down, avoiding the eyes of the rest.
And she reminisced.
This was where she spread her arms out like a sail of a vessel.
This was where she heeded her prompting.
This was where she abhored at first, after being led, without a choice by another disillusioned soul, wanting too desperately to seek refuge.
This was where she learnt to grow up, a second time.
This was where she felt at home, on the stage with eyes closed and arms outstretched.
And it hit her in flashes over a split second.
Then, people engulfed her. She held her breath, waiting for judgement, for quizzical glances,
She recieved none, but a myriad of questions.
"How are you? What have you been doing"
An extremely perceptive soul asked outrightly.
"Are you Ok"
Of course she said she was. Of course.
Someone clasped their hand in hers and she was surrounded by echoes.
"Your voice, your calling. We missed it. Go back, Come back."
She smiled outwardly, but internally she felt a truism that pierced her heart.
"Sisters, sisters. You know not where I have been. My journey would make you cringe."
She felt, it was not time to minister. To stand and lead others astray, to minister and prepare their hearts with a tainted soul was something she could not bear.
Plastic invitations and emails. She could not respond.
And suddenly she felt very small, which was good and bad. And as she stepped out of the compound, she felt a quiet settling in her heart. She looked down and saw that the moist pavement was no more.
And for the first time that day, she realised the sun was shining .
