Being Happy Is a Rarity



The rainbow coloured circles on my paperchase journal echoed the reminder etched painstakingly in multicolour felt markers.
3rd Happy Day
Indulging in simple pleasures never seemed more paramount - Window shopping slowly in town, reading up on christian cookbooks, putting on bronze eyeshadow before school, walking in the drizzling rain, spooning quietly in bed.
It is also paramount not to dwell on the fact that having passed a day with an "Ok" is merely an indication that my Self has been cowering for months.

Someone's been making me ill,
I bet you're still
a two, three, four letter word.

Today, you are no longer a part of my life. You, do not exist. Simply because you don't deserve to.
A step a day, a step a day.

On another note altogether, I thank God, really for the people I meet from day to day who have managed to perk up my life so. With everyone that God sends, there is a caution taken. I do not want things to mess up. I do not want to be another freak on the list. The past few days have been nicely spent based on quirks and spontaneity...Its comforting to not be accomodating for a change and just hit town and do whatever I feel like doing. I feel like being alone and exploring things.

Whatever it takes, even if it means whimsical, psychadelic sketches and declarations in my journal.

A parting shot: She isn't pretty - the voice of objectivity speaks. Its putrid how people manage to buy ugly sunglasses or look ugly in the best of sunglasses. Same difference. If friendster's was a photo keepsake of shots that shout weak attempts to look with it, dress like you've moved on, seem like you're emotionally fulfilled and ethically sound, someone shoot my LCD screen already.

Peanut Shells, Carpet Tassles, Ashes and Spilt Beer

If I Could Fall in Love with Me, I Would Fall in Love with You.
You have seen me through the deepest of hells. Just when I think there cannot be anything worse, there is, and everytime I look down, I see you holding my hand. Your candidness puts me into perspective. Your patience assures me that you would be there at the touch of a dial. I thank you for being there, putting up with the sucker-for-punishment in me, tolerating my random outbursts and rantings.

Sun, Sand and Surf
You are my bus buddy, my cab whore, my R&B partner. I am so proud of you and how you have grown, truly you have, Thank you for the assuring silence spent on buses, the Ya Kun Kaya toasties, for being steadfast and honest. I love you for putting up with the child, Prima Donna, prissy bitch in me. It amazes me how one can be so obliging and giving. Everyday you teach me to love myself more just by loving you.

Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Some Poems Rhyme, This one DOESN'T.
Amidst the chaotic swirl of voices, the whirl of the night, excessive alchohol and the pounding fear that whisper taunts in a disillusional moment, yours is the quiet that settles in the night. Your steadfastness paces me. Funny how there is this need to confide - from guys to romps to the daily mundane clockwork of life. You perk me up with your "Nigger talk" antics, your quiet reverie, your rowdy moments. Truly, my cup runneth over.

"Its Perfect." My Red Lamy.
You remember. You never forget. I marvel at how we map the constellations together, riding through the cosmos. From burnt Cds, Pink Champagne, Red and White Lamys to Estee Lauder, you never fail to surprise me with the myriad of ways that a person can touch another. You are the voice of abject reason, you reflect the prissy child in me, you never fail to remind me of my own reality. Yes, you make me feel fortunate.

"Everytime I Talk to You, Its like Talking to Myself"
I look at you and I see a reflection of me. Its cool how we can indulge in everything, from theological, philosophical discourse, exchanging poetry over SMS, late night pratas, WWE, Cartoons and kickass rock movies. Its beautiful really. Take care in India, you must.

Hell Yeah



Ode to the voices in my head
Chants: I am fine, I am fine, I am fine.
Yeah, you do not know what you unleashed, and the funny thing is, I still give you a truckload of credit.
You think I'm a loser, an attention seeker? You think I do these things on purpose? Well, fuck you and your little dabblings in everything.

Ode to a Past
Yeah. Fuck this shit, I can do it. I don't need your fucking Euro dreams and pseudo jealousy.
I am young, educated, I rock and I'm gonna fly.
Fuck it. I aint gonna stay around, mope and hope and leave room for you. Because I'm with it and you're not. Because you don't have the balls to go get what you want anyway. I have my dreams, I aint an airhead, so you can go lay all the skinny assed, rebonded hair, mundane hobby indulging bitches you like. Drink your beer, eat your crap, cuz I'm so sick of hearing this self-indulgent, self-centered shit. I bet you wish you were me when you were 19.

The above content is not suitable for a selected few who might accidentally stumble across my blog, that is, if you actually remember the addy and for those who are 12 and below.

A shout out to the bombassed testimonial on my friendster. It kicks ass and its sweeeeeeet baby.

Shush...For a little while



I think I have really piled it on this semester.
Loads of commitments from Radio heatwave to Books, but hey if I'm graduating in a few months, its ok to die for a bit.
Its only the first friggin week of school boy. I have been dying, acheing, pining (you name it) for a quiet weekend with just me, being languid in bed, with a book, air conditioning, sheets and chanmpagne. Either that of falling asleep in a tub, all of which I missed because I had to wake up early for a meeting in school at 9am. -curses-
Tis a shame, isn't it. Haha.
Went for test shoots and photo shoots. I feel like 2004 has a lot in store for me. I wanted to share my time with everyone before, now I only want me to myself. The little red friends were tormenting me last night. Hmmm....
So much drama in my life...

It doesn't feel New, but I want it to be New.

Things I Remember from 2003

1. 69 at NYE 2002
2. Audi Rides
3. Nick's "Mmm Ah"
4. Ash's drum roll "De dng Tzch!"
5. Liang's "Cch Tock Cheng"
6. Bhangra music
7. Hindi Movies
8. Getting roasted at Downtown East
9. Studying Massina with roasted backs
10. Six Hundred Dollars
11. White Lamy pens and what entailed
12. Jealousy, Anxiety, Fear
13. Trembling while holding a cigarette at Starbucks
14. "When Peace like a river attendeth my way...Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say - It is well, it is well with my soul." - Andrea Lau on one of her rare churchy moments.
15. MIRC.
16. Lunch with Jeff at Little India
17. Chocolate Buffet at Fullerton
18. "Hope you're not caught in the rain dear. Water dries fast, you'll be happy in a jizzy" - Billy Soh on a rainy night.
19. Lies, Fiji women and Mass comm girlfriends.
20. Zouk, Phuture, Mambo Nights.
21. Unpicked calls, silent ICQ messages and sudden emails.
22. Young PAP
23. "Too many men, too little time" - Ashlynn Sum on a Starbucks evening.
25. Starhub Centre, Centrepoint, a rose and then some.
26. Friendster.
27."At Kembangan, watching out for well-dressed Eurasian dudes for you, haha. Count me a 24 hr best friend! I love you, be good to yourself with the next one. - Andrea Lau on the train home. Hahha what next one sial.
28. 4 messages in a row.
29. Burnt CDs sent to me personally when I was bed-ridden with gastric flu, which sent tears flowing.
30. 2 weeks in the States being emo.
31 Ziggy-ziggy Soh~
32. Fuck It Mantra, Food Fag Fuck Mantra, squishes and singing
33. Funny acents likes "I Hates yous, Wo bu ai ni lerz, Tao yans"
34. Contact lenses, only to be wetted on the first trial.
35. Royaldom being around always.

On one of the Audi Rides:
We still...
Always argue all the time
Never make love when its right
We still...
Never say we love each other
Always up in one another
We still...
Fight for every little thing
Never ever stop to think that we still...
Frankie J - We still

Silly me, and my memory.

On to NYE...
One word: Decadent.
Indulge...



Moving on...



Things Heat up...


And yes, Happy New Year to you too.



Ahead Is All We Have, No?